I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
