ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
