just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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