Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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