that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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