I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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