terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
