So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
