Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
