babies were throwing up all over the place
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
