I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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