Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
