I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Randomize
