you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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