Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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