I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
