she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
where are you?
Hypothermia
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize