Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
