Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Randomize
