We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
