My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
