Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Randomize
