I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
3pm strippers are depressing
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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