It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize