okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize