Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
