Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize