I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
