Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
