I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
