I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
