I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
