It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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