You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
