The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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