You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
