If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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