I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
