Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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