We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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