i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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