when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
