So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You are the jesus of drinking
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize
