peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
