is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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