Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize