I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
