I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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