She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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