Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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