wake up i wanna do it froggy style
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
It was like getting head from an anaconda
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
