I bet he comes in French.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
