Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
