wrigley field is MILF paradise
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
