the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
