She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just found puke in my bra..
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
