I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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