so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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