I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
