I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
