I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
