I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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