Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Oh god it's open bar.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
