Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
