I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
