Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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