I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
