Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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