I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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