My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
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