Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
