You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
