and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
